#motherhood …there is no greater honor than raising prince William
two days ago this song came on the radio and i put my windows down, purposely missed my turn to go home and kept driving. I turned it up and tears started streaming down my face as I thought about how lucky I was, in the midst of the emotional turmoil I have been going through during this past week. I am so lucky to have someone who will be by my side through everything. It has not been the best week. It actually might be the worst week in a long time. Let me just say, I have been crying— a lot.
Yet, here I am on in the midst of this storm completely alone, or at least it feels this way. Am I supposed to pray now? I haven’t done that in a long time and now doesn’t seem appropriate—or does it?
I just wrote a paper on all of the problems with putting all that is Good and Beautiful into particular and embodied things. A political party, a lover, money, whatever. It’s hard because you can lose those things. There is a reason people search for the eternal. There is a reason people want something to comfort them, to love them, that will alway be there.
Shame on me. Shame on me for expecting anything. The problem with this song for me, is that it is so true for so many people, which is so wrong. Life isn’t going to kill me no matter who shows up or doesn’t show up in the moment I need them most. Face down in the pillow trying to drown out sobs, or your head on the steering wheel crying out loud: “I’m so alone.”
I feel like such a pathetic person for believing so whole heartedly that a single person could be there for me in my darkest most painful moment. That is the exact moment people run away. That is the moment they run off to some hill top and start bonfire and get trashed because I said “i need you.”
Because saying the words “I need you” is selfish. It is selfish to need someone, especially when you’re in pain.
No no no. This is all wrong. This isn’t how I should feel. It’s my fault for putting my eggs in one basket. It wasn’t so simple, it was more like, “I need you and only you.” So there was too much pressure, and too much at stake. To big of a chance.
I am not being frivolous. I am not going to divulge on the situation although it would make a lot more sense, but I promise I didn’t break a nail. My biggest reget though: feeling like i needed anyone.
How dare I let someone know how badly I need and want them to comfort me—only to be rejected in one of my most scary and most vulnerable of moments. I did this to myself.
Now, I can feel my heart teeming up to the brim with hate and regret. I feel stupid and alone and foolish. I was counting on this person. I put all of my faith in them being here. They aren’t here. I’m alone. Lesson learned.
(Source: Spotify)
#gelato #boccato #clarendon
2 weeks ago - 
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Chippewa raiders are like alligators!!!!! #tbt #chippewa #canada #westisbest #hockey #memorialgardens #16 #copeland #northbay
2 weeks ago - 1
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#tbt #canada #lakelife #cottage #northbay #highschool #MAY24 #drunk
#love
#morning #art #sun #sunday #motherhood #simple #family #toddler #love
#morning #chores #baby #lumineers #heyho #baby #coffee #earlyriser #lists #perfect
This morning I was supposed to meet my friend Beatrice and her daughter for a 5k on Virginia Tech’s campus. Well, Beatrice is the most fortunate mother in the world in that her baby sleeps in every. single. day.
When William sleeps until 7 am, I literally become wrought with worry. Anyway, William didn’t wake up until 6:30 this morning, so we were up much later than usual and via text me and Beatrice agreed: we are not getting out of bed. So our plans for the morning 5k are gone, and William and I have had the most lovely laid back morning.
First, Wiliam wore his #h&m briefs to bed and this morning. That is pretty cute. As we settled into the kitchen (it was still dark out but the birds were singing) we got our coffee and hot chocolate together and then started to make eggs. William insists on standing on his little stool and being a part of every single step, and so the omelet was truly his. He is growing up so fast. He walked right up to the fridge and took the eggs out of the fridge and put them on the counter and (rather rudely…) asked for eggs. After we were both sitting down with our breakfast the sun was streaming in and I could see the steam from my coffee. William insisted that I play the “hey ho” song, and so that has been on repeat for about an hour. Oh, sunny spring mornings I love you!
No class #spring #sun
#foxridge #toddler #sun #park #outside #hero
Watch out dmitri…. #disney #throwback #honey #grandmashouse #play
#love #quotes
Waiting for the bus!!! #motherhood #toddler #cars #school #hokies #virginiatech
